Swim tips, advice, Joeisms; other half truths.
The NIKE Showcase Classic begins this Wednesday morning in Clearwater, Florida with some of the fastest young athletes in the nation. LIVE streaming will be through http://FloridaSwimNetwork.com for every finals beginning Wednesday at 5:00 pm. You will also be able to find pictures, interviews, results, and other meet news right here at http://SwimmerJoe.com.
Enjoy!
This is one of my favorites. This was a post from April 1, 2010 on April Fools Day!
It all started when a svelte, long white-haired swimmer named Thumper “Uncle” Hare joined the Countryside Swim Team in the heart of the southern live oak district of Georgia. He had giant feet that seemed to thump on land but acted like flippers in the water. He would tuck his big ears into his swim cap and be fierce competition for even the fastest. Thumper was a tad bit cocky, and he was much faster than he even thought, but that has nothing to do with this story.
Side note: Thumper also enjoyed a brief but brilliant career as an actor starring in films such as Bambi, Moon over the Brier Patch, A man and his 36 kids, and Something to do with a Turtle, as well as a appearing in a few short commercials for hare spray and vegetable growing once he was black-balled for being difficult to work with.
Anyway, on the swim team were a bunch of different athletes that ranged in talent and skill, but there was one young lady he was always fond of. Her name was Rebecca “JollyJill” Kringle, an exchange student from Norway who was a larger-the-life, bubbly, sheet-white girl that loved everyone! She was the nicest girl on the team and enjoyed doing things for the other kids! As a matter of fact, back in Norway, her granddad, an Olympic swimmer for Norway, now had a huge toy making factory in the northern mountains, which seemed to be the source of her joy.
Thumper and JollyJill hit it off immediately! He would always kid around with her in workouts, trying to get her off her game (she was very dedicated), and he was more of a playful foe who could rely on insane athletic talent to get by. This flirtatious relationship carried on until one day when they were both swimming backstroke in warm down when they hit each other head on. When she looked up, she gazed into his red beady eyes and she knew something was up; she felt weird, so did he…his nose was moving so fast, like a rabbit who just found a carrot patch!
They became “an item” but soon broke up when JollyJill was suddenly called home to Norway and their tale went to in the history books…..well, not really.
You see, their families kept that story hidden deep in the family library, 3rd bookshelf from the top, left side, behind the April fools jokes. …I mean a rabbit-fast kid from the South and a fine young lady from Norway? It seemed scandalous…But I know the real story and I’m here to tell it to you all. Because my old, old, swim coach, Sylvester P. Remus, told me the story. (Man it’s been a long time!) Coincidently, he also went by the name “Uncle” back in the day.
You see, it wasn’t too long after JollyJill returned to Norway when a child was born, her child. And he had long feet and big ears. Her parents just couldn’t bear the sight of it, so the babe was sent to an orphanage to be raised.
Meanwhile back in America, Thumper was so heartbroken over JollyJill’s departure that he developed a terrible addiction to spiked carrot juice, and eventually was kicked off the swim team before heading to rehab. (This was when he met an up and coming young film director, who gave him his first break by casting him as an extra in The Jungle Book.)
As for Thumper and JollyJill’s child? It turns out he was adopted by legendary swim coach Thor Ben Svimin, who named the child Ralph and raised him in the competitive swim environment. Only one problem, despite his coming from a long line of swimmers, Ralph didn’t float very well. And, he was much, much smaller than his teammates. So, Thor invented a genius floatation device of hollowed out eggs connected by a straw. It was by using these eggs, which of course turned green in the chlorine, that Ralph learned to cherish the colorful eggs.
As he grew older, Ralph was called to missionary work, and as he travelled he was shocked to see so many children unable to swim. So, Ralph dedicated his life to leaving the tiny, colorful floatation devices in the yards of children. Each springtime, just as the weather warmed up and children started heading for the pools, Ralph would visit the houses, spreading the life-saving eggs.
Maybe you have heard of him, his name was Ralph “Easter” Hare, but generations have gone on to call him the Easter Bunny.
Special note: One thing you didn’t know is Mr. Easter Bunny is related to Kris Kringle, “Santa Claus” on his mother’s side. Weird uh? You guys are the first people I’ve ever told! It’s about time this story gets out and people see what an influence swimming has had in our lives and cultural traditions!
So if you celebrate Easter and find a bright colorful egg in your yard Sunday morning… remember, it’s not really an Easter egg. It’s a life-saving floatation device! And you can thank your coach for it at your next swim practice.
By VeloNews and Mary Prankster
Call it Comeback 4.0.
VeloNews has learned that Lance Armstrong will make a return to the pro peloton later this season in a bid to sharpen his form ahead of the Ironman world championships in October.
Sources have confirmed to VeloNews that the seven-time Tour de France champion will race the three-week Vuelta a España (August 18 to September 9) to hone his cycling legs ahead of the three-event Ironman finale on October 13.
Armstrong could not be reached for comment, but a source close to his inner circle confirmed the story.
“Lance was fourth in the 1998 Vuelta and he wants to race it again, mainly for conditioning, but who knows with Lance?,” the source said. “He’s still mad about what happened in the 2010 Tour, and you know what happens when Lance gets mad.”
Officials from RadioShack-Nissan would not comment on the story, but it is believed that Armstrong will return with the team in what will be yet another highly anticipated comeback for Armstrong, who will turn 41 a week after the Vuelta concludes.
Armstrong has reportedly quietly signed on with anti-doping controls in order to meet guidelines that require athletes to be in the anti-doping control pool at least six months ahead of competition. UCI officials would not comment.
Officials said the return to cycling is temporary and it’s not likely that the peloton will see Armstrong for very long.
“He’s doing this to get in top shape for the Ironman,” another source said. “It’s a risk in that he could crash or get sick, but there’s no better training than racing.”
The mountainous edition of the 2012 Vuelta likely discounts any GC ambitions and Armstrong is expected to ride as a “special” domestique, though the idea of him not trying to win at least one stage or go on the attack is unlikely.
Armstrong returned to triathlon in February, finishing second in the Ironman 70.3 Panama race, only getting passed by eventual winner Bevan Docherty in the final two kilometers.
“Lance is going to win Ironman. And he’s going to race the Vuelta to get in the best absolute shape,” the source said. “I don’t know what the odds are, but if I were a betting man, I would bet the house on that.”
As of late March, Armstrong still had not qualified to start the Ironman world championships, so there were no odds posted on the online betting sites. Docherty’s odds, however, were 51-to-1.
So if Armstrong almost beat him in his comeback, it might be worth putting a Ben Franklin on him no matter what happens.
I love to blame it on the shoes
My knees are so sore
My hips I do not adore
My calf is as tight as it gets
Please help me before it sets
I blame it on the shoes
I most certainly have the blues
My achilles feels like rusty screws
Look, at least give me a clue
My gait sounds like a rabid zoo
I blame it on the shoes
Darn it, tell me why I hurt
So next time I can quickly avert
Please oh please help me
My body does not easily amuse
Time to go buy new shoes
![found-type-great-desire[1]](http://swimmerjoe.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/found-type-great-desire1-240x140.jpg "found-type-great-desire[1]")
by SwimmerJoe
Many times athletes get in an area where they feel they aren’t improving like they should, or they are seeing others pass them by. Well, it could be a number of things. My dad always used to tell me, you have to do more than anyone else if you want to be the best. If you think about that for a second, it’s true.
Let’s take swimming for this example. The coach gives everyone a workout and the majority of the swimmers train hard and roughly swim the same throughout the different sets given. Did you take 2 extra kicks off of every wall? Did you not breathe off of every wall until the 3rd stroke? Are you fully concentrating on the drill given or just giving a half effort and resting until the next main set? How about sleeping more? Are you, and this is a big one, watching films, searching for tips, reading Splash magazine for the latest info on great athletes and being a student of your sport. I know what the answer there is. NOT MANY. Too bad, there is tons of stuff out there. There is no reason for mediocrity. If your coach isn’t paying attention to you, ask him or her questions, let them know your really care about your own improvement and share the desire for greatness. All of these things together will work. It may take time to form new habits, but it will work. Be patient, very patient.
So back to when I was a young athlete, after about the 5th or 6th time my dad kept telling me to do more than anyone else, I finally took action. More time in the weight room, concentrated more at practice, worked harder at my sport, watched other swimmers and athletes, learned how to be better at what I do. Do you think Michael Jordan did more than everyone? How about Michael Phelps? Dara Torres? How about Lance Armstrong? Ever heard or Ryan Lochte? Did you think these guys all just “tucked in” in practice (or out of the water) and maintained what everyone else was doing? Easy answer.
Have a desire to be great and the will to work for great speed in and out of the water is what you need to do.
So do more than anyone else for a couple months, whether you are an athlete, or have personal goals, or in the work place. It will work. Let me know how your life has changed for the better.
via Ironman.com and Lance Armstrong Foundation
Published Thursday, February 9, 2012
Today, the Lance Armstrong Foundation announces a new partnership with Ironman to help raise more than $1 million for people affected by cancer. Lance Armstrong, cancer survivor, champion cyclist and the Foundation’s founder and chairman, will compete as a professional athlete in several Ironman and Ironman 70.3 races including Ironman 70.3 Panama, Memorial Hermann Ironman 70.3 Texas, Ironman 70.3 Florida, Ironman 70.3 Hawaii and Ironman France. Armstrong is racing with the goal of qualifying for the Ironman World Championship in Kailua-Kona, Hawai’i, on Oct. 13, 2012, and will be competing as a member of Team LIVESTRONG, which is adding these Ironman and Ironman 70.3 races to its endurance events series designed to raise funds for people affected by cancer.
“I am grateful to Ironman for partnering with LIVESTRONG to raise funds and awareness for people affected by cancer,” said Armstrong. “In my career as an athlete and as a cancer advocate, I’ve learned that progress demands partnership, but it’s not without a struggle. And that’s what Team LIVESTRONG is about – it’s about purpose; it’s about challenge and it’s about empowering survivors to fight like hell. There’s progress to be made with cancer and we invite anyone up for the challenge to join Team LIVESTRONG.
“At 13 years old, Lance got his start in triathlon by racing in the IronKids Series,” said Andrew Messick, Chief Executive Officer of World Triathlon Corporation. “At 16 years old, he went pro and was considered a star in our sport. At only 18, he was racing against the best triathletes in the world: Mark Allen, Dave Scott and Scott Molina. We are happy to have him return to our sport. Lance is a fierce competitor and his involvement with Ironman and Ironman 70.3 is good for triathlon.”
“Lance’s involvement at perhaps the toughest one-day event in all of sport sheds light on what surviving cancer can mean to millions around the world,” said Scott Tinley, two-time Ironman World Champion and Ironman Hall of Fame Inductee. “I remember Lance as a determined kid who channeled that competitive spirit into an amazing career as a cyclist, survivor and advocate for survivors of a horrible disease. A partnership between LIVESTRONG and Ironman will further improve the lives of people affected by cancer. People need to realize that Lance’s foundation represents the use of sport to improve our world. There are only positive things that can come from having Lance join the Ironman family.”
“It is exciting to see Lance Armstrong, one of the greatest-ever endurance athletes, coming back to race triathlons in 2012,” said Craig Alexander, three-time Ironman World Champion and two-time Ironman 70.3 World Champion.
“Lance is an exceptional athlete; he’s the type of person who wants to excel and be the best at whatever he puts his mind to,” said Chris Lieto, multiple Ironman and Ironman 70.3 champion. “I’m excited to see how his participation in our sport will draw attention to what it takes to be a triathlete and how challenging it can be. It will definitely bring triathlon more into the mainstream and I know pro athletes, including myself, will look forward to racing with him at future events.”
Team LIVESTRONG adds Ironman races to its endurance events series designed to raise funds for people affected by cancer
Team LIVESTRONG has a limited number of entries for these events and people interested in joining Armstrong should visit www.TeamLIVESTRONG.org for more information. Athletes who are already registered for one of these Ironman or Ironman 70.3 events can still race as part of Team LIVESTRONG. General entry is also still available for each of these events and can be accessed at www.ironman.com.
Through this partnership, Ironman will serve as a gold-level sponsor for the Team LIVESTRONG Challenge Series. As a sponsor, Ironman will donate four Ironman World Championship slots in 2012 and 2013 to be auctioned with proceeds going directly to LIVESTRONG.
LIVESTRONG is the brand of the Lance Armstrong Foundation, created in 1997 by the cancer survivor and champion cyclist to serve people living with cancer and empower communities to take action. The Foundation specializes in patient navigation services that help cancer survivors and their families overcome the insurance, financial, emotional and practical challenges that accompany a cancer diagnosis. As a member of Team LIVESTRONG, people walk, run, ride or tri in the fight against cancer in the LIVESTRONG Challenge Series or in other major athletic events around the world. By participating and fundraising for Team LIVESTRONG, participants join a group of committed individuals dedicated to inspiring and empowering people affected by cancer. To date, Team LIVESTRONG participants have raised $82 million for Foundation programs and services. For more information, visit TeamLIVESTRONG.org.
About World Triathlon Corporation
World Triathlon Corporation (WTC) is a Tampa-based company recognized for athletic excellence, distinguished events and quality products. The WTC portfolio includes Ironman, Ironman 70.3, 5150 Triathlon Series, Iron Girl and IronKids, which have a combined total of more than 180 events worldwide each year. Supported by partners including Timex, PowerBar, K-Swiss and TYR, Ironman is the No.1 user-based sports brand in the world and has been a respected name in triathlon since its inception in 1978. For more information, visit www.ironman.com.
About LIVESTRONG/Lance Armstrong Foundation
LIVESTRONG serves people affected by cancer and empowers them to take action against the world’s leading cause of death. Created as the Lance Armstrong Foundation in 1997 by cancer survivor and champion cyclist Lance Armstrong, the organization is now known publicly by its powerful brand – LIVESTRONG — and is a leader in the global movement on behalf of 28 million people around the world living with cancer today. Originating with the iconic yellow wristband, LIVESTRONG has become a symbol of hope and inspiration to people affected by cancer around the world. Since its inception, the organization has raised $450 million for the fight against cancer. For more information, visit LIVESTRONG.org
I have heard of the Kallarbrekencracken fish. However, it’s so rare, that in my 22 years of fishing in all the fishable waters of Florida, including the thick mangroves of the murky, lurky water in Miami and the Everglades, I haven’t caught one on film, let alone seen one. It’s almost as rare as the deep fish you always hear about from the great depths of the deepest oceans. Despite all this, I still think I have one.
But before we get to the Kallarbrekencracken fish, let me show you some of the other magnificent specimens I have captured over the years. Here are my best ones in print:
The Hairy Jazzy Hristosiden! A very rare piece from the ancient worlds. Hails from Bulgaria:
Hairy Jazzy Hristosiden
The Big Blue Abno BoddenHahn. Another extremely rare shot from Germania:
Big Blue Abno BoddenHahn
This is a good one. The Hannaskin VanCate. A spooky fish when bothered. But extremely elusive:
Hannaskin VanCate
This one was kinda funny, when I caught him, he saw me and his eyes did that. Hmm, The SilverRose Paperfin MinkiPotian:
SilverRose Paperfin MinkiPotian
The Green Bellyulginiti Blobotschner Fish. I won an award for this fish. He kinda looks like one of my swimmers:
Green Bellyulginiti Blobotschner Fish
This one is my former favorite. The very terrifying AchmeRockatennius Jag. He lived for 3 hours after being caught in Sebastian, FL. Almost bit my finger off:
AchmeRockatennius Jag
So those are on my bookcases as show pieces. But after this weekend, I have now seen it all! I have finally seen the one and only Kallarbrekencracken Fish known to exist. Wow, what a find! Can I win the explorer, photographer and artist of the year? Maybe it will go in a museum. Maybe we can keep in at SeaWorld. Hmm. I need to call around.
Check it out, tell me what you think.
(Psssst! It’s actually one of my swimmers working out despite a broken collar bone! What a stud!)
![r[1]](http://swimmerjoe.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/r1-240x140.jpg "r[1]")
SARASOTA, Florida, February 7. LANCE Armstrong, the record seven time winner of the Tour de France in cycling, is officially registered as a member of United States Masters Swimming.
Armstrong made noise within the swimming community last month when he competed at the Longhorn Aquatics New Year’s Classic. He placed 21st in the men’s 500-yard freestyle event with a time of 5:08.11. The 40-year-old athlete would have ranked ninth in the country with that swim a year ago in the men’s 40-44 age division.
Recently, Armstrong tweeted to U.S. Masters Swimming that the 2012 USMS Spring Nationals were “on his calendar.” The event will take place at the Greensboro Aquatic Center in Greensboro, N.C. from April 26-29.
Sometimes I collect excuses from my swimmers. I have heard some good ones in my day.
10. I had a hard day at school, I’m worn out
Coach is thinking: OMG, boo hoo!
9. I was up all night sick, throwing up, better now though, see you tomorrow
Coach is thinking: Hmm, toughness, hmm…
8. I have a stomach bug, you’re lucky you don’t have it
Coach is thinking: Don’t eat bugs, silly!
7. The doctor told me to go easy today, so no stress, okay?
Coach is thinking: Who in heck are these freaking guys?
6. I am having a hard time breathing today and I have swimmer’s ear, so the doctor told me to take a week off.
Coach is thinking: Again?!
5. What? I can’t skip? I had a sleepover, I’m sore.
Coach is thinking: Do your friends know how good you are? Well, they can help consol you when you get 17th place.
4. Please! It won’t hurt me to miss one.
Coach is thinking: Phish!
3. I have a function, plans, and my parents said I will get worn out.
Coach is thinking: Too bad they can’t swim the races for you–I play a joke, parents…hehe)
2. It is my grandmother’s sister’s birthday
Coach is thinking: Happy birthday.
And the number one reason to skip practice is:
1. I heard it was going to be harder than any other practice this week.
Coach is thinking: I can always tell the ones that want to be really good or just talk about being good.
However, I got a new top excuse this week: My collarbone is broken.
Coach is thinking: Okay, that one is true.
So, swimmers, I challenge you: Keep them coming!
The Associated Press reports that Alberto Contador was stripped of his 2010 Tour de France title Monday and banned for two years.
The Court of Arbitration for Sport suspended the three-time Tour champion after rejecting his claim that his positive test for clenbuterol was caused by eating contaminated meat.
The three-man CAS panel upheld appeals by the International Cycling Union and World Anti-Doping Agency, which challenged a Spanish cycling tribunal’s decision last year to exonerate Contador.
“The presence of clenbuterol was more likely caused by the ingestion of a contaminated food supplement,” CAS said in its ruling in Lausanne, Switzerland.
CAS backdated Contador’s ban and he is eligible to return to competition on Aug. 6. That ban means Contador will miss the Giro d’Italia, the Tour de France and the London Olympics, but he would be eligible to ride in the Spanish Vuelta, which begins Aug. 18.
Contador becomes only the second Tour de France champion to be disqualified and stripped of victory for doping. The first was Floyd Landis, the American who lost his 2006 title after testing positive for testosterone.
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